so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
