i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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