i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
