mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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