My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize