ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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