He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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