Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
