he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
