i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
