He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
