the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
