She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's never too late to be topless.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
