Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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