connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
