dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
