She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
