he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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