I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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