if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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