Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
