thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
