Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
