Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
