last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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