There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
