It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
