i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
