found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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