when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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