I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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