Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
