i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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