So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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