I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
3pm strippers are depressing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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