hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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