I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
