White coat. Heels.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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