I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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