The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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