that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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