dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
