In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
