no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
