I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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