yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Are my feet made of real feet?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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