you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No...this little piggys going to the bar
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Randomize