there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
