Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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