Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
