I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
