Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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