My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
