I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
