adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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