So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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