Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
