I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
