Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
