Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
