I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
