I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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