True but thats because hes a fetus.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
