So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
