I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she looked like the before picture.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
