would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
false alarm, still single
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
