i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize